Humiliation in the Public Restroom

I know I'm lowering the tone a bit, but it's a story too good not to tell. Tonight we went to the theater to see Wall-E. It was fantastic. It was engrossing, so much so that by the end, I'd consumed way more soda than I had intended to. I was in pain. As soon as the credits began rolling, I eased myself out of the chair and made a rapid escape. I grabbed the first stall I could find in the crowded ladies room. Then I saw the toilet seat. Sitting slightly askew. Anyone could see that to descend upon that throne would send a girl quickly to the floor. And there were no seat covers. There was nothing for it but to squat. (I'm sorry, I know this is in poor taste. Bear with me.) I had no idea that I possessed special powers, but I know now that I do. This was no mere trickle. This was the sound of rushing waters, reverberating off every surface of the now silent room. It kept going and going. People started snickering, then laughing. Yeah, they were all laughing at me and then some lady says "Sheesh!" I'm blushing. I'm dying of embarrassment, but I'm still not done. I'm not kidding, and I'm not exaggerating, either. This really happened an hour ago. So what did I do when the flood had ended? Did I send forth a dove to see if it was safe to emerge? No. I hid my flaming red face in there until I was sure that everyone was gone! Then, as soon as I was safely in the van with my family, I unfolded these events to their view. All of it I could get out anyway, between the gasps and tears of laughter. Truly, this was a memorable family excursion. Note to self: next time, go easy on the soda.