Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Lost.

No, this isn't about the TV show. It's about why I haven't posted in a couple of weeks.

Lost-
as in my cell phone after a weekend trip. As my husband helped me look for it, I felt like such a flake. He always has a 'place' for his. I was sure I'd left it in my purse, so after a quick search, I dumped out the contents of my purse on the dining table and did a thorough one. No luck. I looked all over. I tried calling it, no dice. Then I had a flash of memory- I saw myself turning it off, and zipping it in a little pocket of my purse I never use to keep it safe. Bingo! Earlgirl is a flake no more! Until we went to the bank.
My sweet husband set up a bank account without me, which is a problem because I do the banking, and they kinda like you to be on the account if you use it. They're sticklers that way. We were walking into the bank and he asked me, "You're sure you have your ID with you, I think I saw your wallet on the table earlier."
I did a quick scan of my purse. It wasn't there. I searched the whole house for 2 days. No wallet. No license, no recommend, no $100 in babysitting vouchers for the gym I've been squirreling away to be used at some future point. No cards, no medical ID, which is a biggie. If you're already stressed, you know how much a lost wallet will compound the problem? Last night, the blessed wallet was found. Half the contents were in Hercules' golden treasure box in his closet. The other cards were under a pile of toys I'd searched through before. All clues implicate a certain 3 year old. It's a good thing he's cute, I tell you.
Now if I could only find my keys.

Lost-
a library book I'd been searching for and enlisted the help of our friendly neighborhood library. They checked their shelves, I paid some fines, but we still couldn't find it. It was due 30 days before when I finally found it wedged between a book shelf and the wall. I turned it in, and checked to see what my fine was. Surprise, surprise! I owed them $10, and they sent it to collections. Yeah, I know. I was freaking out. The library supervisor couldn't tell me if it was an internal collections thing or real-life-destroy-your-credit collections. I needed to call a certain gal to find that out. I left no less than 12 voice mails with no response. I tell you, they were getting pretty creative too. I was about to set my messages to show tunes and sing them, or Dr. Seuss language, and pretend I'm reading them a story. It turns out, they were all out of the office, but I'm sure they were entertained by my messages. No damage to my credit either, I had 120 days to settle my fine before it did. It's a good thing too, because I was about to go "Library" on them, which is the same thing as "Postal", but quieter.

Lost- my dignity.
Have you ever been one of many guests in a home, and you have to use the bathroom, and there's this huge one inch space between the door and the acoustic-friendly tile? And it's one of those new toilet that can hardly handle any toilet paper and so you accidentally use too much because you live in a home where 'power flush' toilets are a necessity? And you plug the toilet, and you try to plunge it quietly while you can still hear conversation on the other side of the door? You're barely breathing because somehow you feel like that will lessen the "Blorp- Slosh" sound of the plunger that should be working, but it's not. Have you ever decided that letting the toilet paper dissolve on its own is a better plan than coming up to your host and whispering, "Um, I plugged your toilet. Sorry."? Me neither.

Lost- my sanity.
Have you ever obsessed about a parenting issue to such an extent that it grows and grows until it's all you can see? It's no fun, but it's easy to do. It's easy to think that by worrying, you can take the problem on yourself and solve it just by the sheer weight of how much you care. You can't, at least I can't. I realized last night that it's not that bad, and I'm already doing everything I can to help the situation. Worrying doesn't actually count as helping either. With that slap upside the head, I'm seeing the situation more clearly and I realized that it wasn't the huge, hairy deal it had become in my mind. Hooray! Sanity found.

So here's the scorecard:
Found:
Sanity
Wallet
Library book

Still Lost:
Dignity
Keys (I'll keep you posted)
Not bad for a couple of week's work, eh?

16 comments:

Tia Juana said...

Of all of your funny-to-me antics, I think the plugged toilet would be the worst to me. Unless, of course, someone had all my wallet contents and were having fun on my credit card.

But really, the thing I would like to see the most is you going "Librarial" which is very much a cross between Postal and Liberal but involves throwing books I'm sure.

Oh, I've missed you. Welcome back.

MamaBird said...

so glad to get back my daily "Missy-smile". dignity always comes crawling back, - the keys, i'll check around. :)

Michelle Stott said...

That was pretty funny to read. I am glad you found most of the missing items. Glad to know that I am not the only one that does those kind of things.

Kimi said...

I LOVE YOU MISSY!! That was fun. I feel a little more normal. Can't wait to see you again.

dearj said...

We're learning how far little hands can reach as figgy gets ever more clever. Couple it with my pack-rat mentality and you end up with a million different hiding places for stuff. True, all mostly stuff that needs to get thrown out, but still stuff you end up needing at some point.

My parents moved into a house with possibly the weakest toilets in the world -- it's almost less the distance (San Jose) than the facilities that keeps us from extended visits.

Grayce said...

Hi Missy,
Kevin told me to read your "lost" blog. It is pretty funny, but it probably wasn't much fun doing the research (and re search again and again) for the story! Have a great day. Grayce

Home of the Muddy Kids said...

*snicker* I like the bathroom one. There is a problem similar to that at our gym. In the morning, I am the only female there besides the owner. When I walk into the bathroom every morning to wash my hands after lifting (gym germs gross me out), it smells SOOOOO bad in there! If it wasn't me (which, you know, it wasn't), hmmmm, who could it be? I am so lucky I'm not pregnant because it would seriously make me throw up. Maybe I'll just start using hand sanitizer in my car on the way home because I honestly think it's almost worth MERSA.

Kimberly said...

That settles it. We need to FIND a place to all meet (sisters, inc.) that has lots of sun, sand, and people to make our beds while we don't clean toilets, don't have a key that can't be easily replaced at the front desk, and don't have to worry about noises coming from the bathroom.

I'm seriously looking.

Noelle said...

I am still giggling about the bathroom. :)

You my dear have such a way with words. We all miss you when you don't blog. The flavor from our day falls flat if we can't enjoy a laugh or 2 from a glimpse into your life.

In short, it's lovely and I can't wait to read more. N

Ms Renee said...

During dinner once, I remember throwing up (morning sickness) in a bathroom once that was strategically placed within easy hearing range of the dining room. What could I do? I felt so much better afterwards that I dug right in to the meal. It wasn't until several hearty dips into the mashed potatoes that I noticed the other people weren't eating and their faces were green.....

Allison said...

Oh, that was rolling on the floor good laughs! Please never stop blogging....you bring me such joy....and hope! :)

Jodi said...

Well at least unlike me you haven't lost your mind yet!

fivekidsandsomechocolate said...

You are a delight to my soul.

John and Stephanie's blog said...

Oh, my, I still have tears in my eyes, I loved the "going library" on them. :)

Teachinfourth said...

Holy Hannah...still laughing about some of the 'lost and found' items.

Hope the keys and dignity somehow make their way back to you.

Sonja said...

Thanks for the laugh tonight, I sure am enjoying your blog!