Thursday, February 12, 2009

Vexation and Toil


I have had one of those mornings that I hope to forget when I look back on my experience as a parent. One morning, in about 16 years, I'll open my eyes to peek at the alarm clock, see that it's 6:30, roll over, and go back to sleep. I'll have a smile on my face, because I won't have to deal with the (insert expletive here) my kids dished out to me this morning.

This morning I was subject to much abuse from Dainon*, my oldest. I'd confiscated their cell phone during mutual, and now he couldn't find it. He has to alternate days with his brother, and he keeps forgetting it on his day. Now he couldn't find it, and it was all my fault. He wandered around dishing out sarcastic musings about what was the point of even having a cell phone if he could never use it. (duh) After frantic searching, I located my purse to return his phone to him only to find- it wasn't there. More complaining. I suggested we call his phone. I did, and what do you know? The ringing came from his own jacket pocket. Somehow, after mutual last night, I managed to sneak his phone back into his pocket without him catching me at it. That's his story anyway.

Then Dallin, my third son, couldn't find his homework packet that was due last week. It's nowhere to be found, so I gingerly picked through the garbage. In doing so, I found a bank statement that my oldest threw away while cleaning up the kitchen last night. Great. My garbage excavation was nearing the icky stuff at the bottom, so I gave up on the packet. Tough luck, buddy.

Then my fourth son Kelton showed up wearing the same clothes as the day before, telling me he had no clean clothes. "Where is the stack of clean clothes I folded and gave to you yesterday?" I asked.

"Gone" he said.

"I don't think so." I replied, none too patiently at this point. We searched his room, and after much vexation and toil on my part, I discovered the errant pile in his brother's drawer. Clean pants were flung in his general direction, and I headed back upstairs to find that Dainon's lunch was still sitting on the table. He'd been gone for almost an hour. When we couldn't find Dallin's old homework packet, I suggested he start working on this weeks, which ironically enough, is due tomorrow. It never made it home. Blast!

I was about to head for the beaches of Mexico when Dallin piped up with, "Hey mom, you know that scout book I need..."

"You mean the one to replace the one you lost?! This isn't a good time to bring that up."


My one bright spot of comfort is the thought that all their valentines are done and at school already. That's something.
*You'll notice that I used my son's real names in this post. I'm tired of thinking of tricky ways of not writing them. I figure, if you really want to stalk them after what you're read today, you know what you're up against. Kidnap them, and they'll throw your bank statements in the trash, knock holes in your walls, and lose all your stuff.

11 comments:

...................................Kim.......................................... said...

This post made me cringe, and smile because motherhood is C R A Z Y!! Its a trick to remain stable and control of my emotions.

Your morning made mine look like a cake walk. Thanks!

Home of the Muddy Kids said...

Ah, the blessings of having children. Some mornings, I am perched over the play button for Harry Potter, just waiting for all my muggles to leave.

Kristin said...

Minus the cell phone, I feel like we really are living parallel lives! Your today was my yesterday. If it's any comfort, your tomorrow is looking better so far. Maybe it's just because his homework is now turned in and I insisted it be a hot lunch day. Oh and the other one is wearing sweats that I found tucked in the back of his drawer since the other ones had a ripped knee. We still have yet to find the scout book though. If you find it, let me know where to look.

Michelle said...

What a morning. Hope the littlest still naps, so you can have at least a moment of peace today.

Noelle said...

Brilliant! I love how you capture the insanities of motherhood and leave us all smiling when what we really want is to wail, weep and knash our teeth. :) I am so glad we are friends.

PS I finally gave into using my kids names too-after today's little escapee I don't anyone will want to snag mine either! N

Jenn said...

I can laugh today. I wouldn't have laughed yesterday. It would have been a little too close to home! Sound like fun!
I don't know...I would like to kidnap the little imps sometime...

Tiffany said...

Uh oh. My boys sound like yours only a younger version. I adore your blog. It's so much fun to read about a mom with sons just a bit older than mine.
I feel the same way about the names. If you really want them, do you realize what you are in for? You will pay ME to take them back.:) I hope your day got better.

4funboys said...

mind if I steal that... I'm feeling like I need to BANG,BANG!!

ha

Jewels said...

Kids are sooo weird! After working with middle schoolers for three years, i just assume that if anything is ever lost... They lost it, not me! no matter how much they insist.. "I swear I turned it in miss" Or "Somebody jacked it miss!" What ever!

Allison said...

You are a bright spot in my day. I don't mean to make light of your morning, but at least you put it out there so the rest of us know we're not the only ones who feel like we live in an asylum. My mom and I were rolling on the floor...

dainon said...

stop changing the story, you totaly hid it in my pocket!