Last night our front room was a war zone. Dainon is almost 14, and really feeling it. He needs a lot more freedom. He should be able to blast Linkin Park and Disturbed throughout my house. MY HOUSE. The very walls that usually shimmer with folksy bluesy peaceful vibes. I listen to him defiantly making his case and the scene blurs before my eyes. I see two girls of a similar age writhing in agony as their father plays 'easy listening' on the stereo of their yellow station wagon. We won the right to blast Pour Some Sugar on Me, A Little Respect, Boys Don't Cry, and Will Smith's Parents Just Don't Understand.
Remember these guys? Ahhhh, those were the days.
Remember these guys? Ahhhh, those were the days.We reached a bit of a compromise. He turns the music down, or changes songs when I go into fits on the ground. He's not fighting to play anything evil, just testosterone drenched noise.
We've declared an uneasy truce, so we've moved on to bedtime.
9 o'clock is way too early to have to go to bed. It's practically abuse. NO ONE, not a single soul at his school has to go to bed so early.
I smile and explain to him that at 9:01, his father and I strip down and walk about the house totally naked. If he wants to stay up and see that, he's sick.
He doesn't buy it.
He takes his case to the internet, and consults ask.com. He saves the answer to my desktop, offering it as damning evidence against the wisdom of our parenting skills.
"Your getting a little "old" for bedtime. 9 o'clock was my bedtime when I was 8 years old. Id say at 13 your have to learn to take care of your own daily resigme to learn to mature. If your parents keep telling you to go to bed at a certain time, then you will need learn to take responsibility for your own sleeping paterns."
(emphasis added by a mom who hates spelling errors)
Hmmmm..... Teens offering advice on parenting over the internet. What do you think, guys? Did it work on you?
11 comments:
Well, MY heart is bleeding. One thing they suggest in the class I've been taking is to tell them that they are welcome to stay up as late as they want as long as you don't see them and you can't hear them and they are in their room. (Oh, wait. I think we have already talked about this!)
For the afternoon napping issue (which reminded me that we have talked about this), you could tell him that he is welcome to take a nap when his homework is done. If he naps anyway, you could tell him that it drained your energy to be ignored and then the job you needed to do must be done by him while you gather your strength again.
Is this all Blah, blah, blah? I can't tell. It's late.
I thought I knew it all when I was 14. Looking back, I realize I knew more than my parents thought I did, but certainly not "all". If he wants to stay awake in his room after 9 (with maybe some other later limit for lights out), with no internet or TV, why not, as long as he doesn't sleep during class, or other inappropriate times. It's up to him to prove he can handle this in a mature manner. Good luck though--I was informed that it's not possible to have fun before midnight (the child (Julie) which passed me this gem now goes to sleep at 9 pm!)
PS, I have a "Parenting with Love and Logic" book if you want to borrow it.
The neighbor across the triangle, who attends the same institution of learning, is usually in bed by 8:30, but she has always been a bit of an oddity.(In the best sense.)
Maybe a compromise? He has to be in bed at a certain time but can stay up later reading? I have several friends who do that and it works out well for them.
Could there be a compromise of, "Show us you can keep up your grades AND be responsible by getting up on your own WITHOUT us having to come and get you up and we'll go with a later time. Oh, and you need to not be grumpy in the mornings because you didn't get enough sleep. If you can't handle that, it's back to 9:00 bucko."
He'll be going to bed at 9 for the rest of his life...
By the way, the whole "walking around naked" thing had me bursting out laughing.
Missy, I just found your blog and I am hooked--you are hilarious! This post makes me laugh. I heard "Pour Some Sugar on Me" the other day and thought, "wow...those are some really raunchy lyrics; I'd never let my kids listen to this!" Oh, the tangled web we weave. I love your writing and learning about your fun family. See ya at violin tomorrow! (Speaking of music...why don't they enjoy listening to the Suzuki CDs more??)
As a professional who works with teenage boys I suggest you and your hubby just walk around in the buff. It would only take one time and while it would cause some damage to his psyche and possible PTSD it would assure he would be in bed at 900. The post you could write about him catching you...well that would make it worth it for the rest of us.
I totally agree with Shannon! I am just trying hard not to snort with laughter through the whole post. Ahh, the things I get to look forward to....
I laugh now thinking that we had no idea what those lyrics were talking about.
Teens ganging up! trying to stage a coop with there strength in numbers!
I think the sad thing is that most of the easy listening songs that are played on the radio now are the bands you just listed off! don't be too shock the next time you get in an elevator and you hear Kenny G's rendition of "Parents just don't understand".
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