Monday, January 4, 2010

The Clown Family goes to Church

It was the first Sunday of the year, and the time changed for our meetings from a brisk and early 9 to a languid and relaxed 11. I'd been looking forward to the change for months. But instead of a peaceful sabbath morning of church preparation, I ended up in Sunday Hell.
Because of massive renovations and the holidays, the regular laundry routine has been disrupted. There is literally no place to put the clean clothes. Don't tell me to just fold the load from the dryer. I spit upon that idea. Pt. Pt. (spitting)
So Sunday morning, all the little boys were bathed and squeaky clean with no clothes. Literally. As in, no clean underwear, white shirts, pants matching socks, or shoes. The place where the church clothes are stored wasn't even there. Where were they? It's a mystery.
By the time I made it to church, I was fuming. I stalked in late to Sacrament meeting, and where was Lewis? In the front row, naturally. No subtlety there. We had to put on an obscene fashion show, making our way to the front of the chapel.
As we sat down, I looked down the row, and had to stifle maniacal laughter.
Dainon was wearing some old men's wool trousers of mine that I had stored in the back of the van to go to Goodwill. It was a miracle that I found them! They were 3 inches too big in the waist, and two inches too long, so they were cinched with a belt. He had on a white dress shirt of Lewis', with billows around his wrists, and a sweater vest of Lewis' to camouflage the pants and shirt.
Kelton was wearing pants too big for him with no button on the waist. He wore a wrinkled white shirt with no top button and an adult men's tie with a knot as big as my fist. He wore a torn, hand-me-down jacket, white ankle socks and tennis shoes to complete the effect.
Dallin was by far ahead- he at least had dress shoes on, but not matching socks. They were visible because his pants were a good two inches too short. His shirt was too long, squeezing out from under a too-small blazer.
My boys seemed to be wearing every single item in the mending- dregs pile of Church clothes. All at the same time.
We were Klassy, man. Klassy.

7 comments:

Tia Juana said...

Girl, you gotta learn that when the "good excuse to stay home" fairy lands one in your lap, you gotta use it up and quick! You shoulda stayed home - but I know you're too good for that!

EarlGirl said...

Oh, I'm not too good to skip, I actually consider my Sunday school skipping as a 'foyer ministry'. I should have stayed home, but I'd skipped the week before and the little guys were so excited to move up a class. So I guess I sacrificed my dignity to a higher purpose.

Lee said...

I am giggling.. and giggling.. and picturing this event. I love that you can blog it. I hope you can giggle too. So sorry!!

Christy said...

I want to see pictures! Kevin went for 3 weeks wearing his tennis shoes because we couldn't find the box his church shoes were packed in.

Michelle said...

I think we have all been there at some point. My boys wore ratty tennis shoes two weeks in a row when we moved because their church shoes were in some box that we couldn't find. I finally just went out and bought new Sunday duds, because they were refusing to go. I hope you find your laundry. And, I'm with you spitting on the folding out of the dryer. Pt. PT!

Allison said...

Oh, Missy....oh, ho, oh! I thought you looked a little frazzled as you walked into church, but honestly I never noticed the clown suits! How you ever managed to put together that many semi-church looking outfits out of nothing is commendable. Also commendable is showing up at all....we'd have gone right back to bed!

Hope the clothes turn up soon....

fivekidsandsomechocolate said...

You could have called...
I think I have some of Kelton's socks.