Tuesday, January 8, 2008

I've been tortured.

Have any of you read about waterboarding? That was me yesterday, except I was rubberdammed. No offense to you dentists or dentist's wives out there, but dang. I've pushed out five babies, several times unmedicated. Procedures don't usually phase me. My midwife was cracking up once when she was 'working' on me. "Was that the gentle traction on my cervix with the long pair of pliers?" I piped up from behind the stirrups. I had a pamphlet out and was reading aloud the instructions. I'm just not that fussed. But yesterday, I swear, I had rubber between every single tooth, horrible metal clamps that were yanked and twisted. I was drilled until the noxious fumes of the filling that was being replaced made me almost gag. You know the smell of burning hair? This was worse. I sat there, with my jaw wedged open way farther than should be allowed, eyes unfocused trying to 'find a happy place'. It didn't work. All I could think about was waterboarding, and the fact that I was actually paying for this.
I'm still not better. I suspect things did not go well. At one point, the dentist and his assistant exchanged glances, and mentioned 'endo tissue'. I can't chew, which surprisingly didn't stop me from consuming vast quantities of the potato chips I bought for my kid's lunches. I needed comfort food, and popcorn just wasn't possible. I nibbled the chips, like a little mouse. Then I ate ice cream. I have just one thing I want to know: does the US military know about dental procedures as a potential way to 'soften up' a suspect? At this point, I swear, I'll admit to anything!

4 comments:

Marianne said...

You could always do what my Tayler did the first time to her favorite dentist--BITE 'EM :) I remember the smell of burning hair from when I was little, I've haven't smelt it since. Better luck next time. I feel for ya girl!

Turkey Time said...

I am so sorry you had such a difficult experience!....but since you are softened up there are a couple of recipes I would like to talk to you about.

Lee said...

Oh you poor girl. I hope you are feeling better soon.

Jenn said...

Geez, I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. I can't comment right now. I'm going to go eat some popcorn while I can.