Thursday, April 30, 2009

Seriously Icky. You've Been Warned.

Remember when I was rhapsodizing about heaven the other day? We spend a lot of time at Two Rivers and Zintel Canyon, so a couple of Sundays ago we decided to branch out a bit. Lewis looked up some hiking trails (more like walking paths) on google earth, then we drove around to find them. Cool trails wound around on the banks of a very scarily swift river. We took our faithful nanny dog Jill, and had a nice, reverent Sunday stroll. (I stuck that reverent bit in for you judgemental types) When we all piled out of the van back home, there was a tick on the carpet of the van. Eww! Lewis squished it (which is more difficult than you would think) and we thought that was the end of it. We found two more on the ground that evening, much to my dismay, so I bought a tick collar for Jill. Flash forward to this afternoon. Dainon brought Jill over to me and showed me a very disgusting sight.

At first I thought she had a hand full of nasty tumors. Have you ever seen those on old dogs? Gross. Then I realized, they were very full, very satisfied ticks.
How did I handle this? I did what any sensible, liberated woman would do. I called my husband at work.
"Honey, there are ginormous ticks on Jill" I shrieked. "What do I do?"
I've never removed a tick in my life. I've seen it done when I was a girl. My mom did something with a match. I could just picture that going wrong and Jill bolting out of the house a flaming Dog of Death. The closest thing I've done would be when I was a teenager and my dog got too close to a porcupine. Of all the luck, my parents were gone. That was an adventure.
"I don't know, just Google it and do what they say."
That sounded reasonable enough.
I always do what Google says, even when I shouldn't. (Like when I was being induced with Liam. Don't follow Google instead of your own midwife. Someday I'll tell you the story.)
He then very chivalrously offered to take care of the problem when he got home. There was no way I was going to have a dog walking around with those blood-sucking fiends hanging off her, so Dainon and I decided to git 'er done.
Google said to pull them out with tweezers. They advised against yanking, just steady pressure. They told us not to be alarmed if the head stayed in, that the dog's immune system would take care of it.
I decided that now was the time to enjoy the benefits of only having boys. I found some gloves and some pliers, and made Dainon pull them out. I held Jill, spread her fur away from the offending pustules and tried not to watch.
It was horrible. Really.
I was nauseated. He had to pull so hard, her skin would stretch way out, then those ticks would end up with a piece of her as a souvenir.
But we did it.
He took the ticks outside to kill them, and their carcasses became a neighborhood sensation.
See, I told you it was disgusting.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Breaking Child Labor Laws

I took a mental health day yesterday. I remained in the fetal position, snug under a down comforter, hugging a bowl of popcorn, watching my beloved foreign movies. At the end of the day, I felt renewed. Alas, my house did not. Lewis read to us until after 10, and no dishes were done. (We HAD to find out if Max died in the creepy castle of death!)

A few of my boys have a cough. Dainon sounds pretty gross. Kelton has a sore throat. Logan has a minor cough. Dallin is fit as a fiddle, the poor boy. He's always healthy when they're sick. He has a bionic immune system. I surveyed the chaos in my house and made an executive decision.

Happy Mental Health Day!

Everyone gets to stay home and rest. As long as they work, too. So far, it's 8:18 and my powder room floor has been scrubbed and a big pile of laundry has been put away. It's going to be a nice long day breaking child labor laws!! (Rubbing hands together with unholy glee)

Mwa ha ha haaaaaaaa!!!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Dublin it is!

My sister had a really good friend that we went to church with back in jr. high. They've kept in touch through the years and we girls have adopted her as a sister. Kim has invited us to come stay with her at her home in Dublin. So we're going on the ultimate road trip, except we're flying!!! We fly out to Copenhagen, then on to Dublin, where all sorts of girl adventures will ensue. There is guaranteed to be tons of conversation, food, adventure and late night giggles. Some of my favorite things on earth!

Did I ever have a morning today. It started just before 3am. Lewis grabbed me and said urgently, "Liam needs you!"

I shot out of bed and was halfway down the stairs when Liam flew from his room in a panic.

I've seen croup tons of times. It always strikes in the middle of the night. Out of nowhere. Usually, I'm up in the mountains out of cell phone range. The first couple of times, it really scared me. Once I knew what to do, it was no big deal.

I've never seen croup like this. There was the trademark bark of a cough, but in between, there was this struggle to breathe. It was a horrible gasping, frantic sound. I have a kid with asthma, so I thought an albuterol treatment would help. It turns out, the answer is no. Croup affects the upper part of the respiratory system, and albuterol only helps the lower, unaffected part. If your child ever scares you to death in the middle of the night, cold night air is best. That's what the nurse told me. I rushed him to the ER after his father gave him a blessing. Thank goodness it was a short drive. It was surreal to be talking to him in this cheerful, reassuring voice, encouraging him to keep breathing. He did, and we made it. The crisis was over pretty quickly, and we were back in bed by 4:30. I had a hard time waking up this morning though.

I had another blow when I found out that the two giant bags on fruit I'd sent downstairs to the basement fridge were put in the freezer instead. "Put them in the fridge, not the freezer!" I'd repeated several times. It seems I should have made use of smoke signals too, because the message wasn't clear.

I'm almost laughing about it, maybe tomorrow. Since there was no other fruit in the house, and I felt like they deserved it, the older boys got rock-hard oranges in their lunches.

I decided to call it a day at 8:30 am. I curled up on the couch and turned off my brain. We watched this movie. Liam didn't mind that it wasn't in English. What a movie! I had no idea that over a million women in third world countries have their lives ruined by labor injuries that can be easily fixed! It's so sad, it makes me want to do something about it.

After that, it was all a blur. We (Liam) watched multiple episodes of Zelda from 1989, then Bob the Builder, and ultimately Barney. I stayed passed out on the couch. Now, at 4:52 in the afternoon, I'm almost ready to start my day. Good Morning!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Clue #2