Enough Already!

I like the quiet life. My idea of adventure is packing up dinner and eating it in the park. Speed, danger, adrenaline.....it's just not my thing. So I'm wondering, what's with all the mortal peril lately?
All I wanted to do was work out at the gym. I just got a bunch of hours worth of gym babysitting for free (I've always felt too cheap to pay for the gym AND babysitting)and I wanted to try it out. So Friday after school, I hauled my considerable horde to the health club with the motto "A Family Place to Be!". Everyone 6 and older could swim, and I'd been prepping my little leprechaun for the toy room. I had my music, my water, I was good to go! Except...isn't there always an 'except'? Except, this turned out to be the only afternoon of the week when the toy room was closed. So I was stuck. No workout. Everyone but Blade was swimming, so we bounced basketballs, practiced ninja moves on punching bags and sat. Finally, the hour was up and I called the boys out of the pool to change. The rest of us went to the lobby to sit some more. Everything was quiet and low key, the little guy was mellow and peaceful. I picked up a magazine and tried to find an article to read that wasn't about Britney Spears or Ellen's wedding. All of a sudden, a woman a few feet from me shouted "OH NO!" and started running past me. As soon as the words left her mouth, there was a terrible crash, and the sound of shattering glass. I jumped and ran too, and just around the corner in a little alcove lay my little guy, surrounded by shards and daggers of broken glass.
At this club, there's a little nook that's not visible unless you're directly in front of it. In the nook, there's a bar height glass table, and tall stools around it. My little guy loves to go over there and sit. He was doing just that, when something happened and he fell, pulling the stool and the table over on top of him. The thick glass top was in pieces. His hands were glittering with glass slivers. Miraculously, all he got was a tiny cut on his scalp, and a nick on one hand. He didn't even need a bandaid. When I saw he was okay, I was only aware of being deeply embarrassed that my kid had made such a disaster. We beat a hasty retreat. That night though, as I was laying in bed, it hit me how lucky he was. What really happened was the best case scenario. There were infinite ways he could have been maimed or killed. I stayed up a long time, picturing those in my head.
All I know is, I'm putting in a request for a few boring, ordinary weeks! ASAP!

Welcome to my Universe

Sometimes I feel like I'm in an alternate reality. Like this morning, for instance. I'm pulling on a sweater, and there's this string hanging off it. I know I shouldn't, but I give it a tug. It's not a stray thread, like I thought it was. It's fishing line, with a couple of weights attached to it.
"Hey, look at this- it's fishing line!" I say to my husband.
He snorts, and answers "Better check for a hook!" I laugh, but decide to do it anyway. Sure enough, there's a rusty fish hook caught up in my sweater. How? HOW? The only one that even fished last year was Ammon, and that was only once or twice!

Then I'm making lunches. Someone who shall remain nameless asks me "Mom, if you're wearing two shirts, which one is the dirty one?" That's a tricky question. On an adult, it would be the undershirt. But on a boy? The outside is likely dirtier than the inside! "Uh, the inside one." I don't think any more on it until I see him standing before me ready for school. "Why are you wearing two T-shirts?...Wait a minute, aren't those the same two shirts you were just wearing before, but reversed?!"
He gives me a sheepish grin. "Well, you said the inside one was the dirty one, so I just switched them."
"Take them both off! Hey, aren't those the pants you (gulp) slept in? (side note: I send the big boys off to bed. Brushing and flossing their teeth are a component of their allowance, but I don't do pj checks. I'm too worn out by then.)
"CHANGE INTO CLEAN CLOTHES!" I insist. "AND CHANGE YOUR UNDERWEAR TOO!" I add for good measure. It's never safe to assume. That's a good rule for laundry too, never assume it's just fishing line in your sweater!

Channeling Kenny Rogers

(I've gone through all kinds of contortions to get these photos loaded. Hooray for persistence and a helpful husband! Now that I've found a back door to posting photos again, I can thrill you all with the fruits of my maniacal mind! Bua Ha Ha Ha!!!)


You've Gotta Know When to Hold'em

From Kenny Rogers

From Kenny Rogers

From Know When to Scold'em! From Kenny Rogers From Kenny Rogers From Kenny Rogers Know When to Walk Away....... From Kenny Rogers From Kenny Rogers From Kenny Rogers Know When to Run! From Kenny Rogers From Kenny Rogers From Kenny Rogers

Don't ever count your money, on the way to the ER, there'll be time enough for countin', when the stitchin's done!

From Kenny Rogers

Harrowing

I'm not a nervous person. I'm not paranoid over anything. I let my kids take the city bus. I leave my doors unlocked most of the time. I almost never lock my car. I let my kids walk to the canyon and play by the stream. I don't spend a lot of time worrying.

This week gave me a lot of reasons to worry. Let's start with Monday.

We've had a cold snap, and as luck would have it, our furnace went out. Fortunately, we have a wood stove and a pellet stove. I let Ammon stay home from school 'sick'. He had a headache, sore throat, and good grades. I'm merciful. He begged to be able to light a fire in the basement stove. I let him, and he built a roaring one. About 4 hours later, I decided to take a shower. Ammon was engrossed with some adventure on the computer and my little guy was wandering around amusing himself. As I stepped out of the shower, my little leprechaun came to me with his hands clamped over his mouth. "My wip caught on fire!" was all he said.
"Your wip?" I pried his hands from his mouth and saw that he had a pretty good blister forming on his top lip. I tried to get him to be more specific, but no luck. I couldn't figure out what he could have burned it on. Then I remembered the wood stove. I grabbed Ammon and we ran downstairs.
I couldn't believe what I saw. The stove's door was hanging open, and a burning log was balancing on the edge of the stove and the hearth. A few inches under the log was a comforter all bunched up. Then I looked on the rug and found a long stick that had the top 5 inches charred. I could tell from this evidence exactly what had happened. He'd used a hot pad to open the door, and a log had come tumbling out. He'd grabbed a stick to try to get it back in. The stick caught on fire, a pretty good one by the look of it, and he'd brought it up to his mouth to blow out. The flames burned his lip and he'd dropped it. Miraculously, he'd been able to blow that fire out.

Can you believe it? You'd think nothing else that could happen this week would top that, right?

Until today.

I had an appointment to schlep one of my kids to this morning, so the house was filthy when I finally made it home at about 10 am. I let my little guy play alone in the front yard while I cleared the table and wiped it. I joined him in the front yard on my way to empty the trash. Up by the road, I could see a man about six houses down, walking around some mailboxes. Being more than my share of nosy, I scrutinized him. He saw me watching and struck a casual 'I'm not up to no good' pose against the mailbox of an elderly couple from our church. I decided to go call them and make sure they knew him. I gathered up my little one and started to walk inside. The only problem was, the guy was no longer standing still, he was walking toward me! I came inside and walked straight to the phone and called the police dispatch. There was still a part of me that would feel too stupid calling 911 on some random guy out for a walk.
The dispatcher was calm and encouraging, asking for all the details. I'd barely begun, when the doorbell rang.
I peeked out the window and it was HIM! I frantically whispered this to the police lady, and she asked me if my door was locked. My heart dropped. It wasn't. I quietly set down the phone and tiptoed to the door. I locked it as silently as I could. I locked the kitchen door too and ran back to the phone. "Just so you know, the police are on their way.... What's he doing now? I looked again, and he was gone! I hadn't seen him leave, I had no idea which way he'd gone.
She thanked me for calling, and asked if I was calm enough to hang up. I'm always calm during the actual crisis, so I was fine. She told me some police would be by to talk to me soon. I hung up the phone and looked around.

Shoot! The house was a mess! I spent the next few minutes scrubbing egg yolk off my dining room benches and putting away all the scriptures on the couches.

In just a few minutes, a policeman was at my door. He had the best news ever: they caught the guy one block away, and he had his pockets full of stolen mail and credit cards. One officer told me he was a home-burgling meth addict "a freaking walking crime spree". Since I'd seen him at it, he obviously had some intentions here. He told the police he planned to get in my house by asking to use the bathroom. "As if this wasn't creepy enough!" the cop said.

So there you go. My house didn't burn down, my little guy just has a scab on his lip. I didn't get ravished and plundered by a meth-riddled criminal. Everything's fine, but I'm not sure if I feel less safe, or more so. I definitely feel protected through all this, and I'm very grateful.

Unforgiven

Have any of you accidentally caught your little guy's pee pee in a zipper?

Hell hath no fury, my friends, no fury at all like an injured three year old.

*All kinds of interesting and clever things have been going on in my house and it's driving me crazy. Blogger is not uploading any of my photos, so I'm out of luck. One of these days, when it works again, I hope I can remember all of it! *

Marriage- I teared up watching this one.

How To Cook a Wolf

I'd like to introduce you to a new acquaintance of mine. She's a food lover, and a writer. Her name is MFK Fisher, and she wrote this book back in 1942 when food shortages and rations were at their worst. Her book is quirky, and reads more like a novel than a cookbook. There's a sly sensuousness about her writing that hints that she doesn't just savor food. I love the almost antique recipes she's picked up all over Europe, like bread baked in flower pots. Apparently, it's unforgettable. Here's a snippet:

"Why can you not make the kind of round loaf, perhaps with a cross slashed on the top of it, that you used to see through the cellar door when you walked home from the theater late at night in France? the white-faced baker's boy, with flour in his eyebrows, his pores, and probably his lungs, slid it surely, intensely, on a long shovel into the blaze of an open oven. It was naked, like a firm-hipped woman, without the benefit of metal girdings. It came out, in an hour or so ready for next breakfast, round and brownly even and filled with an honorable savor. It was good bread, and you can make it."

See what I mean about slightly naughty?

There are all kinds of recipes in this book. I carried this book around with me everywhere for a couple of weeks. It was very useful in entertaining Ammon through his minor surgery reading aloud the directions for frying calf brains. There was one recipe that just stuck in my imagination, and I had to try it last night.

Green Garden Soup
2 Tbs butter or good oil 1 handful parsley
1 bunch watercress 2 cans chicken or beef broth
1/2 head lettuce 1 egg yolk
3 small onions and tops 1/2 cup thick cream (if possible)
2 or 3 cabbage leaves 4 celery stalk tops
1 sprig thyme or marjoram salt and pepper

She uses a mortar and pestle to grind all the vegetables together. I'm fresh out to those, so I put a little broth in the blender and whirled away. Then you simmer the green stuff in oil for about 10 minutes. You add the broth, cover and simmer for about 45 minutes. Then you beat the egg yolk and cream together, and add after the soup is in the tureen, if you happen to have a tureen. Then you sprinkle with some pepper.

This soup had the most amazing taste. I served it with fresh baked bread. I could almost feel the vitamins in the soup!