ER Adventures *Graphic Photos*

Something miraculous happened in our family today. There was a medical crisis, and my husband was home! You gotta love that. My poor little Hercules. (that's what I've decided to call him) Tonight was to be his first ever wii night of his very own. He's watched brother after brother have friends over to play. He's heard their laughter and sneaked some peeks. He's been counting the minutes for weeks, and he only had an hour til his friends arrived. I was making dinner, Hubby was across the street helping a neighbor, and the little boys were being silly, jumping around in the front room. It was all very peaceful until I heard the screams. I knew by the pitch that something was wrong. Both Hercules and his older brother were instantly hysterical. He was holding his head, and I could see blood, but I wasn't worried. Head wounds bleed a lot. My first thought was that we could just superglue it and he'd be fine. Then I pulled his hands back and my stomach flipped. This is a less bloody version of what I saw:See that white there? That's his skull.

I ran to get some napkins and sent Blade across the street to get his dad. I applied direct pressure just like I'm supposed to and watched as Blade sauntered across the street. I found out later what he said.

"Dad, Hercules is donating blood."

"What?!"

"Hercules is donating blood and Mom needs you."

He came running. He met up in the entryway and saw my concern. I pulled back the napkins and he breathed out "Oh Shhhhhhhhhh......oot." I was proud of him. Blade was taking off in a few minutes for a football game so we put Ammon in charge and took off. We tried a nearby urgent care, a nurse came out to the car, took one look and sent us to the ER. All the time, Hercules was whimpering but still talking coherently. Luckily, my parents live only a few minutes away. They rushed over to our place to hold down the fort and clean up the blood.
One thing you need to know about this guy, is that he's tough. He made it through dental fillings by repeating his full name to himself followed by "and I can do hard things!". He was scared about the possibility of stitches, while I was wondering how in the world they are going to close this huge crater in his forehead.
While we waited, a triage nurse dressed the wound with a topical anaesthetic, so he was chipper and happy. He'd been promised a deck of yugioh cards when it was all done, and that was all he could think about. He played games on Daddy's phone, we made glove balloons, and then it was time for the stitches.The Dr. couldn't get over how calm he was. He kept telling us about kids his age and the different ways they had to be restrained. He didn't even flinch when the needle went in. Look at that trusting face!
Here he is, and proud as can be. We'd shown him the photos, and he was beyond thrilled that he could see his skull. This will give him bragging rights for years, and a new deck of yugioh cards. Life doesn't get any better that that!

The Love of Strange Brew

Saturday night, we settled down for another magical Netflix night. I'd been trolling the 'watch instantly' list for likely movies we'd enjoy, when I came upon Strange Brew. Do any of you remember Strange Brew? It came out in 1984, and is a forerunner of Nacho Libre. My husband was cleaning up after primering the walls in our new bedroom (yay!). I realized that my children had never before experienced the wonder that is Strange Brew. I started it so they could just have a taste of it until my husband came and we could watch something real. By the time he came, we were rolling with laughter. We ended up watching it together and having a ball. The only unintended consequence was at dinner the next day. The boys were quoting the movie and everyone was talking at once. One of my little boys was clamoring for a drink, and I let fly with "Blade, pass your brother the beer!" I didn't realize what I'd said until everyone stopped and stared at me. "Wait! I mean the water!" I cried out, but it was too late. There was no salvaging the situation. Alas.

My Past, Revisited (Again!)

I'm in a bad mood today, so I think I'll tell you about my college days.

See, my van has been acting a little off. It's not that old, and still under warranty, so my van is something I never have to worry about. Unless I'm on a road trip with friends. But my point is, my van is dependable. There are a lot of things I can't count on. The moods of my 3 year old, for instance. My kids remembering their lunches. My husband's day off actually being 'off'. But my van, well, she's there for me. A few days ago, she started kind of hiccuping when my AC was on. Today she had a seizure on the way to pick up the carpool kids. We barely made it to my mom's house to drop off Blade for his guitar lesson. My van was making funny noises, like something was loose under the hood, and shuddering. I took my parents car, dropped the kidlets off at their homes, and my beloved van is getting towed. And I have a nasty hole in my craft room ceiling. I just discovered that this morning. So it's been a bad day.


I think it's a great time to relive college.
Ever had a really, really bad boyfriend? A creepy, mentally ill boyfriend who thinks it's his god-given duty to call you to repentance if you sneak out at night with your roommates to buy pickles during finals week?

No?

Good for you.

You were smarter than me.

I spent a few years pondering exactly what part of this usually sensible girl would be attracted to that scenario, and I decided that I liked the romance of giving someone an extreme makeover. This guy really needed it, and I decided I was just the girl to help him! I ended up giving him the 'heave ho' when he was on his mission, and he's still trying to stalk me on Facebook. As in, just a few days ago. Fifteen years later. Creepy, huh?

That was my freshman year at Ricks College. With the exception of Mr. Creepy Boyfriend (who ended up being a cop, oh the irony!) Ricks College was the happiest place on earth. I had a ball! The dances, the dunes, the caves, the bridges to jump off of. The trips to Salt Lake City in the bed of a pickup (thank goodness for the camper shell!) The late-night talks with roomies. I would love to relive those days. I only got a few pictures from my dad's the other day, but here they are.

I'm home for Christmas, and one of my family's favorite games is 'hide and seek in the dark'. We take it very seriously, as you can tell from the dark clothing. Looking at this picture now, I think the leggings I was wearing as pants must have been a bit thin. I hope I was wearing a long shirt or something! Ah well, the lights were off most of the time.
Here I am in my beloved U2 shirt with my mom for mother's week. That was a blast! My hair was shoulder length when I left for school, and here I'd just chopped it.Here it is, even shorter! I think this picture was taken in the Snow building. Anyone else play sardines in the Snow bldg? Could there be a better place to play that in? After hitting the books for 4 semesters, I decided to transfer to a University in my hometown.

I couldn't believe it. I'd been in a town just swimming with eligible guys, and here I was returning home, single. I had withered on the vine. I was an ancient 19. I was pretty worried. One of the first things I did, was go to a single adult dance. Who did I find there? Tons of people who were old when I started going to youth dances! I'd left my beloved room mates behind, and moved back in with my parents to get old.

There was a spark of hope, however.

A certain hunky blond babe was just returning from his mission. Oh what luck!

(seven months later)

Here we right by the bench I was sitting on when he proposed to me. It's in a grove out in front of the Seattle temple. I'll tell you the whole story another time. It's a thrilling tale, and I'm still in a bad mood.
I was looking through pictures of us on a boating trip a few days before we were married. I won't show them, because it almost made me weep. My legs were slender, tan, and had no unsightly veins. My stomach was concave. Sniff. Well, in less than a year, I went from that, to this:

Eek!

We have now officially entered the decade of pregnancy. That's something to cheer me up, the decade of pregnancy is over! Woo hoo!

Update: I got my van back in a couple of hours. My spark plugs were shorting and arcing and making the engine misfire. New wires, and we were good to go. I just wanted you to know, in case you couldn't sleep, worrying about poor Earlgirl and her carpooling woes.

Photos From My Checkered Past

I spent the day with my dad, and had a ball scanning some old photos of me in my past life as a teenager. I'm posting these just in case some day I'm hired for some extremely sensitive government position.

Did you know that if you get hired and a federal investigator finds out anything embarrassing about you that could leave you vulnerable to blackmail, you have to tell someone in order to be hired? It's true. My neighbor had to tell my husband something embarrassing from his past for just that reason. My husband would never tell me what it was, either! Anyway, after today, I'll be totally safe to hire. I have lots of embarrassing stories too, but I have too much fun telling those for that to be a problem. Ask me sometime about the perils of skinny dipping in your neighbor's pool when they're gone. And blowing your nose in the zoo. And trying to take off your training bra with a 21 year old relative sleeping in the bunk bed beneath you. Or trying to speed up a catheter induction of labor.

Anyway, back to high school.

Did I ever tell you I cut my own hair? I think this must have been my 80s boy band phase.

I'm doing the dishes here, and you can see how happy I am to be doing that.

Here's another beautiful one. If you think my kids are quirky, they come by it honestly. Here's my solution to caustic perm fumes:For my 16th birthday, I asked my dad to take me on a date. I dressed up in a formal, he was in a suit. We drove to the movies in a Porsche and out to eat in a fancy restaurant. It was a dream Sweet Sixteen!Now, as for the 17th birthday, you may recognize a certain hot hunk of manflesh.

Can it be? Is it he? Why, yes, it is.

Here we are for his Senior Homecoming. He was one of the royalty, of course. We went to rival high schools, where he was one of the 'popular' boys. Alas, I was, ahem, a sarcastic wisecracking 'not popular' girl. I had friends, of course, but we made very, very clever fun of the popular people. You should read some of the poems we wrote- priceless!
So who was this chap? A very nice boy from my school. One of the only guys I ever went on a date with from my school. Wait, he was one of two. Hmm. So, where was my blond hottie boyfriend? On his mission, in Poland.

So here's a quick peek at my past. Wait till you see the next decade!

The Elbow of Truth

We were all packed in the van on the way to go swimming yesterday, and I heard Ammon say something to his brother that I've been chuckling over since then.

"Touch me again, and the elbow of truth will come down upon your shoulder."

The elbow of truth?

There's never a dull moment friends, never a dull moment.

Actual Parent-Teacher Correspondence

The school year is still young, but already I've had the chance to deal with 'issues' via email. I've been thinking about the long, long collection I have of emails back and forth with teachers. I've decided to share some highlights from actual letters. *Only the names have been changed to protect me from the wrath of the guilty.

"Hey there Fabulous Teacher*,
I know that Quirky's* vision is pretty terrible, and that he has a hard time seeing if he forgets his glasses. I have a policy though, of not bringing anything the kids forget to school. I draw the line if they are still at the bus stop. You may remember Eugene* from a few years ago. Today he forgot his planner that had to be signed, his history book that had to be covered by today and his lunch. He hadn't left the neighborhood when I discovered the planner and the book, but he was out of luck with his lunch. I now have 4 kids in school, and they need to learn responsibility though the consequences of forgetting. You can put him up close to the screen, keep him in from recess, whatever. I need to be sure to keep his problems and his problems. I know it's inconvenient to have a little blind boy in class, I'm sorry about that. I does keep me from being a trained rescuing retriever though. Thanks and good luck,
Earlgirl"

"Hey Benevolent Teacher*,
I want to fill you in on what's happening at home. We have a program in our family called accountability. Every day before dinner, each kid is held accountable for 5 aspects of life. He has to report whether his room is clean, his scriptures were read, the nature and completion of his homework, whether he practiced his instrument for 30 mins, and if he's shown family spirit. Quirky* sloughed off accountability yesterday. Each item missed each day will cost him in money and privileges. He can't go out and play, work on the computer, or watch a movie until he's accountable. Friday, however, he was accountable. I signed off on everything. I saw the homework done, I signed the reading slip. That's my job. I also saw his homework lying loose on a pile of backpacks. "Is that really where you want your homework to go?" I asked him. He picked it up, and I continued on down the hall. Where it ended up, I have no idea. It's not my problem. It's Quirky's* problem. So these are his consequences and what is expected of him at home. There will be days when he slacks off. Go ahead and throw the book at him. A great deal of the work he's missing has been done. Again, I have no idea what he does with it between the time I check it and when he's standing before you. He may go behind the school and smoke it, I don't have a clue. There's only so much I can do before it becomes an issue of training me instead of training him. He'll get it, it may just take a reeeaaallly long time. Thanks,
A very frustrated Earlgirl"

Hi Militant Teacher*,
This is going to sound crazy, but I have the distinct feeling that I've done this before! It must have been in another life that I typed the words "Eugene* has missing assignments". So either I've been reincarnated, or we've got to stop meeting like this! Anyway, after a stellar first week of the quarter, here we are again. Eugene* assures me that everything that can be turned in has been. I haven't seen a signed paper, he has no memory of me ever giving it to him, but nevertheless, he says they're done. He says there is one science assignment that was a class project that he can't make up. Is that true? Are the other ones indeed turned in?
Thanks,
Eugene's* weary mom

"Hey P.E, Teacher*,
My husband, Quirky* and I would like to meet with you two after school sometime soon. Will right ofter school tomorrow (Thursday) work for you? We thought an acknowledgment and apology is in order. Just let me know so my husband can schedule the time in."
Yours in Righteous Indignation,

Earlgirl

Hee Hee, this made me laugh