My Fantastic Idea for a New Business

I had a flash of inspiration the other day. You know what I would be so good at? I could totally do this for a living. I could come to the hospital with you when you're in labor and having your baby. My job would be to play appropriate music to get things going, to create a 'mood'. Picture this in your mind:

It's your big day, and you're in the hospital. You're laboring in the bed all attached to monitors. Your husband is coaching you through the Lamaze breathing. When a really hard contraction hits, you see me peek up from the foot of your bed blasting Is there Anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe! How cool would that be?

Or, say you had an epidural.... there's always Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb.

I could fit a song to any situation. What about a C section? I've got you covered: Cheryl Crow's The First Cut is the Deepest. I would be there with you through it all.

Fully dilated and ready to go? Salt and Peppa fits the bill with Push It.

Baby's crowning? A little Johnny Cash will set the mood.... "And it burns, burns, burns, the Ring of Fire! The Ring of Fire!"

How about that critical postpartum recovery time? Nothing would be better than Natalie Inbruglia's I'm Torn.

Think about it gals. This experience could be yours. Wouldn't that be AWESOME?!

A Loving Tribute from my Aunt/Nextdoor Neighbor

My Aunt posted this lovely photo of me from our Elder's Quorum murder mystery night a couple of weeks ago. I had a fabulous time tapping into my inner strumpet-tart-scarlet woman-crazy ex-wife. She included this touching, emotional tribute:

"I have this neighbor that a lot of people seem to admire and look up to. I think it is time to set the record straight. I mean sure, she looks wonderful when she shows up at church, together, nicely dressed, with a swarm of little boys all in their white shirts and ties, behaving respectably (mostly) while the talks are going on.

But what most people DON'T know is that they have a chicken killing dog (our poor innocent little chickens!) who leaves their lawn clean while leaving little "presents" on ours, they leave hazardous objects on their driveway that kids (mine) can break their arms on, there's trails on our lawn made by the aforementioned horde of little boys (and dog), that big strong husband of hers breaks trampolines (ours), and they are always "borrowing" stuff that they seem to have run out of. I caught a picture of the real Earlgirl, here included, so that people no longer need be decieved.

If she tries to tell you that we killed her dog, flooded their home, broke her kid's arm, or borrow their stuff all the time too, it's just the kind of thing she would do. Don't believe a word of it!!!"
.
Posted by Dweezleboss at 6:48 AM

With relatives like this, how could family gatherings be boring? Renee, I'm sending Jill over with a steamy package of love, just for you!

My Silly, Silly Husband (Warning- Disturbing Images)

I have a very goofy husband. He does all kinds of silly things. He can play The Eye of the Tiger using his hands as a whistle. He can swing up onto our roof with our rope swing. He's also very disciplined. He's been doing push-ups every day forever. He can actually hold a pencil between his pecs. I know, it's not fair. This is the fully clothed version of him performing his "Dancing Pectorals" routine. If you won't be able to look at him the same way again after viewing, please abstain. What you can't see or hear from the video, is that I'm shaking with silent laughter. He's a goof alright, but he's my goof.

Win a chocolate indulgence first aid kit!

Check out Jodi's blog here and comment to win some stuff made from the greatest substance known to womankind! You'll have to fight me for it though.

A Request and a Warning

Gosh, I'm grouchy today. I found myself thinking that I'd be a dang good mother if I just didn't have any children! I realized that it maybe, possibly could be me after musing at length on how impossible everyone is to live with. I got to thinking....."Wait. What are the mathematical probabilities that everyone in my life is annoying at exactly the same time? Divide those calculations by the lunar calendar and you have your answer: PMS-induced insanity."

So stay away from me today. Don't call. It's for your own good.

But that's not what I want to blog about today. I need your help. I've started exercising again, and I need some ideas of really good songs to run to. Right now my favorite is Black Horse and a Cherry Tree. You just have to move around when that song's playing. I also love Crazy, by Gnarles Barkley. Some other ones that get me going are the Indian songs from the soundtrack to Bride and Prejudice. All those drums....love 'em. But I need more than that. Any ideas please? Pretty, pretty please? It's safe to leave your comment, I promise.

A Family that Works Together.....

A few weekends ago, we made the 2 hour drive to the Inlaw's house. They're country folk, and heat with wood. They're getting older, and had a ginormous stack of lumber that needed to be cut, split and stacked. "Could you guys come for a wood chopping party?" they asked. "Sure!" I said. I'd be happy to volunteer my husband's considerable muscles to the cause. It would be fun to sit and chat with the ladies. His family is famous for their feasts, there would be tons of food to snack on while we're sitting and gabbing. The morning of the 'party' I pulled on my new cute jeans and sweater, all ready for some socializing. Then my husband's sister pulled up in work clothes and a baseball cap. Shoot.

Here's a cute little collage of our day. Click on it to examine it closely. "Earlgirl", you say, "I see your baby working, your husband, and all kinds of other children, but I don't see you!"
Alas, 'tis true. I actually did do some hard labor for a few minutes, then I got sawdust in my eye and scratched it.
Don't get me wrong, I'm a hard worker. No, seriously. I AM! I'm just not a wood-splitter-hauler-stacker. Take a look at my husband's sister though (in red). She split logs for hours! With an actual AXE. I guess I'll have to be content with being the flaky prissy sister in law. I did look cute in my jeans and sweater though. Does that count for something?

Another Netflix Gem

Last Sunday, before bed I wanted to watch a movie as a family. Something uplifting and inspiring to close out the sabbath with. We've seen every church movie we have a thousand times, so I turned to trusty Netflix. I stumbled on this movie and thought it sounded perfect. It was amazing to watch, all curled up together. We had to pause it a couple of times to answer questions and discuss it. It was amazing. This is a documentary of a Christian missionary couple (it never says their denomination, and it really doesn't matter) in Mozambique. You'll be in awe. You'll be inspired. You'll feel empowered to do what she's doing on a smaller scale in your own life. This is an excellent Sunday experience.