Too Funny! Can't Stop Laughing.....Must Breathe!

Revenge of the Comeback

My cousin Eric loves to make movies- movies that have lots of 'action'. 'Action' means guns, fighting, explosions and blood. He also has a killer quirky sense of humor. Getting tapped to act in one of Eric's movies makes my boys' year. Eric is very careful to make sure I approve of whatever level of 'action' a movie, involving my boys, has. There's a lot of blood in this one, but it's hilarious. Good job Eric, it's your best yet!

Beautiful Courage

I got to do something wonderful on Sunday. I sat in the front row and watched my father speak in Sacrament meeting. It was an amazing, inspiring sight. No one in the congregation had any idea how difficult it was for him, how terrifying.

Some of you might remember me mentioning my Dad's special circumstances before. The man that raised me was an ultra-confident bomber pilot. He had positions in the church of responsibility. He was outgoing and friendly, with a bit of swagger to him. He was technical and precise, working as an engineer after he retired from the Air Force.

Then he hit some black ice one day and rolled his truck seven times, hitting his head each time.

His life is so different now. The swagger has given way to humility and tenderness. He needs a lot of help, and he's so gracious and thankful to receive it. He serves in the temple every week, sometimes more. He thrives on his 'grandpa hugs' and has a close relationship with each of my boys.
When my Dad took the pulpit, he was shaking. He smiled and mouthed to my mom sitting beside me, "I can't do this!" And he really couldn't. After hours of study, he wouldn't remember what his subject was. In the middle of a point, he would lose his train of thought. My mom worked with him for hours and hours. She made a booklet of notes for him, each page with a single enlarged word or two, stapled together so they wouldn't get mixed up.

When he began to speak, he set his notes aside, too scared to use them. But he spoke clearly, sweetly and humbly. He made all his points. He needed help remembering a word or two that eluded him, but the spirit of what he said was powerful.

Simply put, my Dad was blessed for his beautiful courage and his faith. He took a step into the dark, knowing he didn't have the ability to do what was asked of him. His capabilities were magnified, he was sustained. It was an amazing, humbling thing to witness.

I Fell in Love

I saw something a couple of weeks ago, and I fell hard for it. It's in my hot little hands now, and it's my newest, bestest friend. My video phone.

Know what I can do with it?
Call my family and talk with them face to face.

Know what else I can do? Get four of us on the screen at the same time talking face to face!

I know. It's so cool. Does it get any better?
Yes.

I can record such sparkling and witty exchanges and save them as video files on my computer.

But wait! There's more!

She got one too, so now I can call her and show her my new haircut or earrings or cute shirt that I got on clearance. I don't have to wait until one of us can find the perfect moment between appointments, naps and physical discipline.

I got so excited by it, that I actually have become a real life Bidnesswoman. I've decided to distribute these babies! I never, ever would have thought that I could do it without the example and encouragement of some very chic real businesswoman friends. So until I am as cool as they are, I get to dress up and play with my phone for people. And think about this: if you get one, you can call me and I can make you laugh by pretending to pick my nose.

Want some more details?

It works over the internet (only high speed DSL or cable will do, dial-up will make you look fat), so you don't have to pay long distance ever again, or even local service. (!!!)

You get to keep your same phone number.

When you aren't using it, it entertains you as a digital photo frame.

The phone is free. You just have to pay $30 a month for the service. Because the phone is so spendy to make, you sign a two year contract just like a cell phone.

If you want someone else to have one too, like a grandma or sister far away or even anywhere in the world, there are family plans where you get a second phone to send to them for just $11 more a month.

It has every regular phone feature that I ever knew existed.

The sound quality is like a really good cell phone connection.

It does a whole lot more, like it can hook up to your TV so you can blow the image up reeeaaaalllly big if you want to. That would work if you were having a joint Family Home Evening with someone on the other side of the country.


How am I doing? Do I sound business savvy yet?
So, if you want one of these babies, you can get one all by yourself here, or you can email me, or even better, call me and I'll come to your house and we can play phones together!

My Fantastic Idea for a New Business

I had a flash of inspiration the other day. You know what I would be so good at? I could totally do this for a living. I could come to the hospital with you when you're in labor and having your baby. My job would be to play appropriate music to get things going, to create a 'mood'. Picture this in your mind:

It's your big day, and you're in the hospital. You're laboring in the bed all attached to monitors. Your husband is coaching you through the Lamaze breathing. When a really hard contraction hits, you see me peek up from the foot of your bed blasting Is there Anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe! How cool would that be?

Or, say you had an epidural.... there's always Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb.

I could fit a song to any situation. What about a C section? I've got you covered: Cheryl Crow's The First Cut is the Deepest. I would be there with you through it all.

Fully dilated and ready to go? Salt and Peppa fits the bill with Push It.

Baby's crowning? A little Johnny Cash will set the mood.... "And it burns, burns, burns, the Ring of Fire! The Ring of Fire!"

How about that critical postpartum recovery time? Nothing would be better than Natalie Inbruglia's I'm Torn.

Think about it gals. This experience could be yours. Wouldn't that be AWESOME?!

A Loving Tribute from my Aunt/Nextdoor Neighbor

My Aunt posted this lovely photo of me from our Elder's Quorum murder mystery night a couple of weeks ago. I had a fabulous time tapping into my inner strumpet-tart-scarlet woman-crazy ex-wife. She included this touching, emotional tribute:

"I have this neighbor that a lot of people seem to admire and look up to. I think it is time to set the record straight. I mean sure, she looks wonderful when she shows up at church, together, nicely dressed, with a swarm of little boys all in their white shirts and ties, behaving respectably (mostly) while the talks are going on.

But what most people DON'T know is that they have a chicken killing dog (our poor innocent little chickens!) who leaves their lawn clean while leaving little "presents" on ours, they leave hazardous objects on their driveway that kids (mine) can break their arms on, there's trails on our lawn made by the aforementioned horde of little boys (and dog), that big strong husband of hers breaks trampolines (ours), and they are always "borrowing" stuff that they seem to have run out of. I caught a picture of the real Earlgirl, here included, so that people no longer need be decieved.

If she tries to tell you that we killed her dog, flooded their home, broke her kid's arm, or borrow their stuff all the time too, it's just the kind of thing she would do. Don't believe a word of it!!!"
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Posted by Dweezleboss at 6:48 AM

With relatives like this, how could family gatherings be boring? Renee, I'm sending Jill over with a steamy package of love, just for you!

My Silly, Silly Husband (Warning- Disturbing Images)

I have a very goofy husband. He does all kinds of silly things. He can play The Eye of the Tiger using his hands as a whistle. He can swing up onto our roof with our rope swing. He's also very disciplined. He's been doing push-ups every day forever. He can actually hold a pencil between his pecs. I know, it's not fair. This is the fully clothed version of him performing his "Dancing Pectorals" routine. If you won't be able to look at him the same way again after viewing, please abstain. What you can't see or hear from the video, is that I'm shaking with silent laughter. He's a goof alright, but he's my goof.