Tuesday, April 8, 2008

The Day My Heart was Ripped into a Million Tiny Pieces

It was Monday, the first day of spring break. This was THE DAY- the one I'd been anticipating for a very long time. Swimsuit shopping day. As I've discussed before, I'm cheap. I won't spend much money on myself, but I will spend gift certificates. I'd been hoarding, and had built up eighty dollars in Macy's credit. Add that to what I'm actually willing to spend, and that should get me something cute!
I had visions of a halter tankini, 'squishy-up' and 'sucky-in' in all the right places. The dream suit. I've been working out since August. If there was ever a time for the ideal body and the ideal suit to meet, a perfect storm of perkiness if you will, this was it.
It was also my husband's day off, so we were busy. We painted bathrooms half the day, fed four missionaries, and got everyone busy cleaning up. The mall was closing in a couple of hours when I grabbed my purse, and scampered off to my desk to get the precious loot.
Only they weren't there. Nothing was there! My desk was clean! The blood fled my face, and I rifled through my cubbies frantically muttering "They're not here! I could swear I left them right here!" My husband sauntered by and pulled out a paper from his wallet. "I found this on the floor while I was cleaning yesterday, is this what you're looking for?" It was one of the eight ten-dollar certificates. "This is ONE of them," my voice began to rise dangerously.
"Were the others in that big envelope from Macys?" he asked, sensing danger, "because I threw that away". I remembered in a flash that they were indeed safely in the envelope. Shoot. But hope would not die so easily. "The trash! It's not garbage day." I dash out the door and peer with scrunched-up nose into the smelly bin.
"Sorry, it looked like a statement, so I shredded it."
"Shredded it?"
That was when it happened.


All my hopes, my dreams, my perfect storm of cuteness was gone, just like that. Torn from me, into a million tiny pieces.

So what did I do? Let me just say that I am a very patient woman. Really. But this was too much. My house has been torn up for almost three months. All that time, I've been sharing a manky ghetto toilet with 7 guys. I've had no closet for two weeks. In fact, only the non-family members have closets. Take a second to consider what that's done to the laundry situation!

I lost it. I started spouting off things about who does the paperwork, and who has no business touching said papers, and shoving things off my dresser. The tote of summer clothes, the box of scarves, the bag of my husband's childhood marbles, you name it, it went flying. It was very therapeutic. Before long, my rage subsided, and working together, we had a 100 pound bag of stuff to give to Goodwill.
I organized a heaping mess that used to be a bookshelf before someone else's closet got emptied out on it. I found so many books we'd read as a family that I'd forgotten about. It was like going back in time! So, here are a few of our favorites:

Fascinating context, valuable lessons.

Unspeakably profound

Intriguing premise, very well written. You can't go wrong reading anything by Cornelia Funke.

You'll want to pack your bags and see Venice after this one.

Absolutely beautiful. You'll never see celadon pottery the same way again.

An amazing WWII story, hopeful and inspiring.

These two will make you laugh so hard milk will squirt out your nose. Mental images from these books will be with me forever.

England in the dark ages, what's more fun than that? Superbly done.

Another milk squirter.

You'd think the whole 'little talking mouse' thing has been done to death. At least, I did until I read this. It's surprisingly profound. Wonderful story.

There you go. You all are now the beneficiaries of my own private tragedy. I just hope it was worth it. If just one of these books touches the heart of just one of you, I guess it was. Or maybe not.


Jana said...

Me - looking for fake money - wondering where it is because I don't like to spend real money, could we be twins???

I was going to go swimsuit shopping today. But I don't have any coupons or certificates so I was still debating!

Oh, honey - just remember that he probably feels really bad and there is good things coming to you as he tries to make up to you for his bad deed. Like maybe he should go get you a Macy's gift certificate. ;)

Kim said...

Oh how I feel your pain. I would have thrown a tantrum too.
I was wondering if you could tell me which of these books would be best for my 8 and 6 year old boys. They all look really good. I'm so excited! Thanks!

Sleepless In St. George said...

oh i am so sad for you....i hate to spend money on a swim suit...but have found if i only buy a $20 dollar suit, I look like 20 bucks...and my dream is to look like a million bucks in a suit. Guess i will keep saving and when I have the million...that is the suit I will buy!

fivekidsandsomechocolate said...

Please -No more books! I am trying to be a responsible wife and mother which means controling my inner reading demons. You are killing me...so which ones can I borrow?

Anonymous said...

I am the coupon queen in my house and if anyone forgets to use a discount I get mad, ok, not so bad, but they hear from me :)

I can feel your pain, I would have had a seizure.

Why guys don't look at coupons the same way women do?

I see it right now a $10 home depot coupon sitting on the desk, and John is shopping there almost every weekend and the coupon still sits there. It drives me crazy.

Have you checked out this year Modbe swimsuit collection? It's really cute. I bought two of them when Nicole hosted Modbe last week.

It won't heal the hurt of the shredded coupons but the prices and styles are really good.

Christy said...

Ouch! I would be furious.I am usually the one to lose things or throw things away that are really important, not Kevin. So I am usually the one that gets yelled at. Thanks for the book ideas. I am always looking for a good read.

EarlGirl said...

Kim, they would love Danny the champion of the world, Despereaux, and Edward Tulane. The others are a little more complex. Thinking back though, we read them probably two years ago, and the whole family loved all of them. You could always just try and see what your kids think. The one about WWII was so cool. I have no idea that the whole country of Denmark banded together to save their Jews! The only ones that were lost were the ones that refused to recognize the danger and go into hiding. It made me want to kiss the whole country.

Lee said...

Randy threw away our Christmas money this year. It was oh so sad. I am so very sorry. That is just devastating. But I love your attitude.. you crack me up.

Kim said...

Thanks Missy. I checked out the two written by Peck yesterday. I'll try these two and also look into your suggestions. Thanks again!

Lynette said...

We're just leaving for Spring Break next week and I was needing a good recommendation to read to the kids for the hours in the car. Hip, hip, hooray! I think I've found some!

Dweezleboss said...

Just count your blessings. Even in a million dollar suit, I would still look like 20 bucks!! You, on the other hand, would look fabulous in shorts and T-shirt (or a $20 suit). But still, 3 months of putting up with a manky ghetto toilet deserves something!! I might want to borrow some of your books too....

Jodi said...

Oh man! That is painful! I do the same thing ONLY instead of losing mine, I let them accidently expire. Mostly gift certificates to restuarants...but STILL! It gives me a sick feeling to think of that wasted money! UGH!

Jana said...

If you want to hear my latest funny story that I can not post online email me your email address. I know you are a kindred spirit and will appreciate it.

Kersten said...

Oh man. I'm so depressed for you. But at least I can benefit from your tragedy. I'm going to read all of those books. My daughter and I loved Inkheart! I thought the second one in that series was even better!

Abby said...


I'm probably the one who will benefit most from you book list, since I'm the one who has been wanting to find some things to read together as a family after dinner, and who has no idea what books might be hilarious and touching.