Shock and Awe

That's what I felt when I opened the envelope. Shannon asked for my address a couple of weeks before, and I'd anxiously been watching the mailbox ever since. Shannon's the one in the Mickey Mouse sweatshirt, while I, in all my 7th grade glory, am looking rather daring in my denim jacket. My older sis, is looking fab in MY plaid pants. We all lived in the same block of civil war era apartments at Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, where our dads were stationed. It was a very hot social scene, and we had a lot of crazy adventures together. We said goodbye at the end of the 9th grade when my family was transferred out west. We lost touch for a couple of decades, then she found my email address and wrote to find out what I'd become.

What had I become?

Hmmm, that's a tough one.

How about an expert in son manufacturing and distribution?

Queen of a small city state, plotting to conquer the world with my offspring?

That sounds about right.

So when she asked for my address, I assumed she'd stumbled upon priceless photos like the one above.
There were no photos in the envelope. I found, instead, a gift card to Macy's. She frequents my blog, and when she read about my ill-fated swimsuit dreams, my pain was her pain. So, in her infinite compassion, she reached out to me in love, and curiosity. See, she had a few stipulations for it's use.
#1 despite any family needs, spend the money solely on myself. Ha! No problem there.
#2 post what I spent it on.
So what did I do? I grabbed my mom, and we went shopping!
We tried on dresses, and suits...

Here's my mom with her "I can't believe I'm letting you take this picture, I know I'm going to look bad" look. Come on, Mom, loosen up! During this process, we realized that we have freakishly similar hands.Even the same crooked pinky.

I tried on a few tankini tops that didn't do me any favors. One made me look like a saggy elephant. One left a lot to be desired in the 'support' department, if you know what I mean. Then, I happened upon this little beauty:And I knew love. There was music playing, there were little sparkles in the air. It was magic. It's comfortable, secure, generous where it should be, multiplying my assets, obscuring any squishy parts. Hmm, it sounds like a man instead of a swim suit! I paired it with a cute blue swim skirt that is cellulite covering length, and we were in business.

I can't believe I'm actually posting photos of me in a swimsuit on my blog, but you wanted to see what I bought. A promise is a promise. Thanks, Shannon, you've done a great service to mankind.